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What do I do? I care for my wife but I love someone else


I am 42, married for 15 years and have two wonderful kids (7 & 3). My wife and I had about 13-14 pretty good years before I began to realise that I wasn’t really in love with her, and maybe never was. For a year a co-worker and I began a relationship.

I had always been attracted to her, and I acted on it. Until a month ago we had carried the relationship from some very exciting S3@.x:’ to a very strong emotional relationship. She finally said the words that we should not see each other socially anymore, at least until I decide what to do with my situation at home. I agreed.

My wife and I have been in counselling for about six months, and she doesn’t know about my affair. Neither does the counsellor, who recently told her she thought the marriage was over. I am deeply in love with the woman I have had an affair with and told her so during our last encounter (after we decided to call it off).

She told me she loved me, also. Now my wife and I are so distant. I do not find her attractive in the least – and we have not had S3@.x:’ for months. When we did it took all I had to get through it.

My heart hurts badly for the woman I love. She is putting up a strong front and moving on. Even seeing other men. She said in a year, if we are both available, maybe we can try to build a real, honest relationship. My two kids, who are my world, are trapped in between.

I don’t know what to do. I love another woman, but I still care for my wife – just don’t love her anymore, and not sure I can again. I’ve made this other woman to believe I am truly in love for the very first time in my life.

How do I keep hope that things will turn out all right?

Please drop your advice!