A reader sent this mail to consultant and relationship counsellor Cynthia Valerian Raphaels on Facebook. The reader, who has been a nanny for many years is advising married women based on her experiences. There was even a time she had to undress her madam’s husband. Why?
Read below. This is an eye opener, trust me.
Madam, i saw your message on someone that said she saw her nannies pants and all those stuff. I decided to write you for the first time today for you to help me address the people that call themselves married women (some). Let me be honest with you, some women are a bunch of disgrace.
Yes, am single, though getting married soon, I am a graduate of political science and I searched for the job I couldn’t find, so I got registered in a nanny company, and I have been doing the job of a nanny for 8 good years now. I have worked in three different places and I have seen a lot that when I marry I won’t make such mistake in my home. The reason some women marry their husbands are based on materialism and once they wed, it’s all over, caring for the man is now left for the nannies .
My first madam was a decorator, all she knows is her business and nothing else, once she comes back from work , she goes straight to her bedroom baths, she asks me to bring her food upstairs in the room for her. She will say, have you fed my husband? and once she finishes eating, she sleeps, and tomorrow morning she wakes up so late that I would have done half of the chores and everyone has left for work. Looking at her husband, you will know the man is lonely and does not want to say it. Very quiet man who works in a bank . During weekends , she parties and her friends come home to drink and eat, and that is it. Tell me why won’t her husband go looking for a companion outside his home.
The day I eavesdropped on their discussion where he was telling her , he needs her, all she could tell him is that sex is not food and walked away. There was a day, this man came home sick, he could barely get down from his jeep, it was I and the driver that came and helped him down. We took him upstairs and he asked me to help him undress, when I refused, he said please.
I have no choice but to do that and when I was about leaving, he said please stay with me for a while, that if he sleeps, I should go . I was there till he slept and I left. I rushed down to prepare his food. When I went down, I picked up my phone called his wife, all she told me was I should give him pain killers that she can’t come home now, I was shocked. To my surprise, she never came home till 9pm. Is this one somebody to call a wife?
The next day, the man couldn’t go to work,the wife told me to prepare that she will take him to the hospital and I will stay with him to take his drip in case he is being signed on admission, that she has a customer who needs a decorating job. Is that what a wife should say? Somebody who her husband is sick? My salary then was 20,000 but at the end of the month, oga paid me 200,000 . When I asked him, he said thank you for taking care of me when I was sick. He started buying me things but I got so uncomfortable with it. I spoke to my mother about it, and she told me to advice my madam. The day I said to my madam that her husband needs her attention more than she is giving him, that was the very day she sent me out of her house.
The second place I worked where I stayed for 1 year and 11 months, I don’t even know what to write about that woman. Every 24 hours she is nagging, every time you pass her she is talking to herself and calling her husband names because he has fertility issues. If the man brings 10,000 for weekend cooking, she will ask him what the money Is for? whether she will go buy her hands in the market! She frustrated the life out of this man honestly. This man sleeps in the parlour, he doesn’t sleep inside the room. They have just a daughter. The way the woman talks to him sometimes leaves me to wonder whether they married for love or something else. I heard them quarrelling one day, he kept telling her that let them keep trying and she told him not to infect her with his contaminated sperm that can’t fertilise an egg shell. She killed him with hurtful words, she killed his ego. I was the person who made sure the children notes and homework are up to date. I kept teaching and teaching, but their mother doesn’t care.
I thought women are supposed to be healers, not killers. I thought when husbands are in dire need of mental helps their wives should help them out. Why should a woman use her husband’s ill health and make a topic in her home? One weekend my oga’s friend came and when they were discussing he told his friend that for 2 years , he has not touched his wife, showing its been a long time the woman has been punishing him. His friend kept asking him hope he is taking his medication, he said he does not miss them. Tell me madam Cynthia, if such men decide to cheat, did they do wrong at all. I went for Christmas and never returned because staying in that house was a thug of war for me. Her rules were too much, nobody will come and visit me and I can’t take off home. I decided to tell her I can’t continue .
The place I’m currently at now, the woman is not human for me. she is cheating on the man. The husband himself knows but just that the lady is from a powerful background. Once in two months, she travels, leaving her children and husband. When she gets to her destination, she won’t even pick up her phone to call people back home. All the husband keep asking me is , has your madam called you , hope she is ok. If he tries calling her lines, it keeps ringing no picking. This man is working in an oil firm but can’t open up and talk to his wife. The day he did, all she opened up to tell her was that she is managing his useless life for him. Her daughter stood her up to tell her, that she is so ashamed to call her mother, and all she responded to her is, don’t let any man cage you all in the name of marriage.
Since I started working with them, my madam has never slept in their master bedroom where oga sleep, where you will see her is her own room. I am the one dishing out food for the husband, washing his inner wears for him. I ask, is it a nannies job to was oga inners at all?
Madam Cynthia what is wrong with we women? some women have trashed their marriages to blazes. There are good women keeping their homes, but honestly, they are few. Bad ones have dominated a lot of marriages, snuffing the life out of men. If we nannies sit down and talk about what we see in different homes we work in, the world will collapse . A lot of them are out there, small thing they will all be shouting divorce . It is a big shame, Madame. Why will a nanny serve your husband, arrange your bedroom, pick up the condom remains, wash their husband’s underwear and even do the children homework? And all they do is to visit saloons and go to parties. Is that one marriage . Claiming equal right nonsense. Some when the money is gone, the love vanishes and you see them cheating.
Marriage is a sacred thing and women should know when they are exposing their marriages to temptations. A lot of good men are married to bad women. A lot of them. I am getting married in January and I have learnt a lot in life that I wouldn’t let my marriage feel any hurt. I will give my man the supports that he needs and if I can’t take care of my home, no amount of nanny I will bring will. Men need attention and the high time women understand that the better for all of us. I decide to write to you because as a nanny, I have seen more than enough. Enjoy your day Madame. Thank you for reading .